Ma FriensMy daughter holds a spot that transcends frienship. My husband enjoys unconditional love. I have other friens and family who also count as cherished, and you know who you are because you've probably worn a fez, a dog face, a mustache or lobster hat with me at some point.
(Identities Obscured to Protect the Innocent)
In addition, I have three very close "gurrfriens". (I'm sorry, I have no explanation for that typo. I also substitute the word "bofrien" for your man, even when you're married to him. When I refer to my husband as "my bofrien", he corrects me as though he's certain that I forgot we're married.)
(I apologize for my excessive use of extra words in parentheses. I don't know what else to do with the spillage.)
Anyway, these gurrfriens have been with me through the long haul and we've witnessed plenty together. 23 years, 25 years and 17 years of frienship = 65 years of history total. You can't get that any other way.
I feel truly known and accepted by these friens. Known; probably due to the way I blurt out my joys and sorrows in an unfiltered fashion. Accepted; I can't really figure out why I've been accepted, but I have a theory about a shmear that oozes out of me that gets on people sometimes. Once it's on you, it's like I'm being seen with a set of eyes that I whipped up in a laboratory somewhere and poked in your head to make you think I'm great. I'm not going to question it, I'm so grateful it's there. It works on children and animals too.
I've also had a tiny baby feather (complete with quill) grow out near my eyebrow once, a super long blonde hair grow out of the middle of my back in my 20s, and once I woke up to what looked like a hardened amber sap nodule coming out of a mosquito bite on my arm. I don't question these things or get alarmed, I just take note. None of those other things seem to have endeared me to anyone, however. It's the invisible ooze that has the power.
If there's a problem with my approach to frienship, it's this: Once I was lucky enough to find and love a few friens who also accepted me, I wasn't open to accepting applications for any new friens. Sometimes though, my shmear seems to escape my control and it gets on someone new, which is stressful.
Rather than explain my inherent hermit status and how life with my Asperger mate works, my joke is, "Thank you for your interest, I don't currently have any openings, but will keep your application on file if something comes up." I try to deliver it with enough humor to let them know it's not about them, as they are certainly deserving of the friendship of someone much better (and more available) than me. It's so sweet when people respond to that by saying something to the effect of, "Not only are you missing out on some wonderful relationships, but they're missing out on you!" I know they're right, which is why I admire my friens who still take applications for new friends.
I'm a "gregarious hermit", which is even more confusing to people I'm meeting for the first time. I was told that during my one visit to a psychiatrist who worked with people who've lost their homes and possessions to fire. After our house burned down due to Scott's EV1 (GM's electric vehicle, the one in the documentary "Who Killed the Electric Car"), I scheduled everyone for at least one therapy session to make sure we were all okay.
The fire was September 11th, 1999. My father died only two weeks before (six days before my parents 49th anniversary), my daughter was only four days into her senior year, my two 13-year old dogs had died a few months or so before (of old age, within weeks of each other). Then the house burned down, destroying a lifetime of material proof (art, photos, the handmade quilts my great-grandmother made out of squares cut from clothing we'd grown out of, etc.) that we existed and had history...oh, and Scott disappeared the day after that. (Remember that interesting life I mentioned? 1999 was a banner year.) I figured professional help might be in order. Guess what we learned? We were behaving normally for the stress we were under. That was good news. Pricey, but good. No medication or further sessions necessary.
So, as a gregarious hermit, I can pass for a totally socialized human. I truly love people...they're too interesting for me not to be fascinated by them. It's just that as I've gotten older, it's so difficult to bring a new acquaintance up to speed in my weird world. I already feel known and loved by friens and family...what more would I be looking for?
Plus, as your frien, I'm loyal...like a dog without separation anxiety. When you're somewhere else, I'm certain you're okay. When you appear in front of me again, time is contiguous...you were never gone. My love never wavers. You're with me all the way, and I like you there. I keep your spot open and intend to spend any available time with you rather than spend it developing new relationships.
I realize there are exceptions to the rule, like when someone enters my life in such a gentle fashion that I already love them before I realize they've weaseled their way in under the radar. Gaylin was one of those friens.
It seems if it's still possible to "weasel in", there must be some openings after all...
P.S. But hold on to your hat...it's a bumpy ride...
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