Emotional Blindness

In a conversation today, I referred to people with Asperger's tendencies as "Aspergian" and thought I should Google it to see if it was politically correct to use such a term. It linked me to an excellent article by John Elder Robison, who is the author of Look Me In The Eye: My Life With Asperger's.

His topic, "Are Aspergians really rude and inconsiderate?" His discussion about how "emotional blindness" works for an Aspergian is excellent. He gives real life examples, including how he and his wife deal with the situation.

When I first noticed Scott's inability to read emotional cues (and often make inappropriate comments), I felt as though I should scurry behind him, listen in on his social interactions, and mitigate any inadvertent hurtful comments he may have made during the transaction.

My love for him wanted to protect him from his own misunderstanding of a situation's emotional perspective and impact. This proved to be a big job. Early on, I decided not to take on the duties of the "nice" police. I gave up and figured either people would "get him" or they wouldn't. C'est la vie.

It was hard at first, being the mate to a man who seemed so inconsiderate, blunt and succinct to others meeting him for the first time, but it's also freeing to just watch it all play out. You learn a lot about people. Plus, generally after a half hour or so in a new social situation, Scott disappears altogether, going for a walk or somewhere to read. I used to worry about that since his sense of direction is so poor, but I'm over that too. He's been on a few anxiety-producing adventures, but I haven't lost him yet. Life on an island makes that much easier, too.

John Elder Robison contributes to a blog at the Psychology Today site, which I hadn't discovered before and will be visiting often. The November 2008 article and blog are here.


My favorite excerpt:

"Sometimes people ask me, "What kind of person should a guy with Asperger's look for?"

I can't speak for you, but this is an answer that's worked for me:

People with Asperger's have very weak sensitivity to other people's thoughts and feelings. But we often offset that with exceptionally strong logical brains. Therefore, we are wise to seek a mate with exceptional emotional sensitivity and less logical brainpower. Then, our mental abilities compliment each other's. One of us has great emotional intelligence, and the other has great logical intelligence. Individually, we're each weak. Together, though, we are very strong.

Of course, your mileage may vary."

PS: I just found John Robison's personal blog/website, which is here and looks to be an excellent resource  too!