List of Preferred Dining Companions

Small town life is magnified on an island. Certainly concerning relationships. There are no "out of the way" spots with which to conduct your "personal affairs," if you're having them. There is an extremely limited inventory of available mates, and certainly no chance for delusion regarding their "potential", which is freely demonstrated for all to witness, and discussed at length, whether truth or rumored. I know this from making favorable comments about a seemingly single male to a single girlfriend and was filled to the brim with his unfortunate history, which was certainly not evident through casual social interaction with him.

We're all neighbors in close quarters after all, so if you've ever had an unreasonable (possibly drunken) argument with any volume to it, it's part of your history as a mate, and the anecdote travels with you. By the time you "hook up" with someone, it's already "buyer beware" due to your (or your neighbors') intimate knowledge, either of you, your new mate, or both.

New chemistry derails logical thinking (thank heavens), so you do get the illusion of a fresh start, but it's most likely with well-worn goods. It's not that this isn't the case with mainland relationships, it's just that there are fewer available witnesses.

The saying on the island is "You don't lose your woman, you lose your turn." When I was first enlightened to this philosophy, I physically recoiled. I did a double take with eyebrows raised, fully realizing that sayings like that evolve out of truth. They're invented with the intention of normalizing a situation.

So, when we arrived (already having been a couple for six years) we had a "mainland relationship" reality. One luxury of that, is that unless you have children, if and when you break up with your mate, you simply don't run into them again, or if so, it's infrequent.

The island has one small grocery store and an imposter store (a smaller version using the same name) posing as a second option. There's no mail delivery either, so as you breeze in to pick up mail from your PO Box, or drop in for a few essentials at the market, you are guaranteed a daily dose of your ex-mate and/or reports of their current shenanigans. Whether through a personal sighting or a "helpfully communicated" anecdote by concerned parties, you'll definitely know more than you'd like. It's also uncomfortable to witness those heartbroken singles who've lost their love (and you know about it because everyone knows about it) running into them again and again with the "replacement" partner gloating openly.

My husband and I have a relationship based on trust and respect. It's a very atypical marriage, in that we subscribe to the "two-house" method. This arrangement evolved for reasons I will go into someday (the first being his Aspergers', but also that the GM EV1 electric car burned our house down and he got another EV1 right away, but I digress). The point is that I am still very connected to my life on the mainland, so when I'm off the island and my husband is on the island (he seldom leaves), I encourage and expect him to enjoy a meal here and there with friends and acquaintances.

He's a terribly picky eater and a super-slim guy with no fat reserves. He truly needs to eat. He often forgets to eat, or confuses the sensation of hunger with other issues. Is he lonely? Bored? Needing a walk? What?

In this small community, if the wife is off the island and the husband is dining with female(s) who are decidely "not the wife," it stirs up the curiosity and whispers of those who concern themselves with such things. So, we have a network of "preferred" dinner companions...friends who know that he could probably use a meal and know that he'd be happy to treat them to one.

The potential for small town rumors disturbs my husband, so I suggested posting an ad in the local newspaper, letting one and all know that we are in agreement with the arrangement, and include the names and/or photos of the most likely dinner companions. If you're not on the list, but are interested in becoming a PDC (preferred dining companion), you can call or email your qualifications and interest. Of course, if you notice he's dining with someone not on the accepted list, there will be a number to call to report it, in the same way that trucks have that bumper sticker to encourage responsible driving. He'll wear a t-shirt that says, "Where's he dining? Call 1-800-ISawHim."